I know what should be in that folder. When I go to click on that folder, there are files in it for all of my relationships. I can see the files are there. I can see that they exist. But for me, when I go to open the file?
I know that there should be something there. I know what the contents should be. I can read it, I can feel it, it feels real to me.
- welcome, bitches (Tips For Dating Someone with BPD).
- pisces man dating a virgo woman!
I can open it, interact with it, it is real. But when they leave? Like literally, when they are not right there with me? The file goes back to being gibberish. This means that when I am with someone, I get to experience an understanding and belief that the other person loves me and likes me and wants to be with me. Those things feel real. I lose my ability to understand that as real. I can try to convince myself that it is real. It just drains away.
And then when they are there and I can finally equip it, they are like, SEE you can use that ax! Why do you lie so much and make such a big deal out of everything? Another way to think about this is to imagine a cup with tiny holes drilled into the bottom. This is my ability to hold on to and recall feelings of love and validation from people who are in my life. They can recall and experience emotions after they have happened. Their cup can hold these feelings all of the time.
When a relationship ends, or someone breaks trust with you or abandons you, that cup is emptied. For anyone, an empty cup would be the equivalent of the end of a relationship, the end of caring about that person, the end of any good feelings. My cup has tiny holes in it, or cracks. When someone is there with me, giving their love and attention and affection, it fills the cup. As long as they are interacting and paying attention and offering support and validation, the cup appears to the outside viewer to be full. I cannot fill my own cup. But this is a big part of what a lack of emotional permanence entails.
bpd and relationships on Tumblr
My brain still responds emotionally as if the abandonment is real. You have abandoned me. You hate me now. My cup is broken. My cup is literally empty. Think about the misery and despair and irrational fear you might experience when a valued relationship is coming to an end.
I can try to ignore it how often are you able to ignore crushing misery? I can seek out attention and validation.
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These are my only options. What you might call manipulative, I call finally making the screaming in my head stop for a few minutes. I might appear outwardly to be calm and rational, but that is only because I am SO TERRIFIED that if I act on my urges to seek that attention and validation and love from you, that you will think that I am toxic and manipulative and you will hate me and you will leave. But asking for it, or seeking it out in other ways is often seen as manipulative or toxic. So what do you do? Like literally, what would you do to make that stop?
What options do we have? People just expect you to be this way.
And the only time they have anything to say to you about it is when the intensity of these emotions is so powerful and unrelenting that I give in to the urges associated with making it stop. All relationships need work.
how to love someone with bpd
Communicating and working together can actually strengthen the bond you two have. It can be helpful for someone with BPD to have a relationship so they can practice ways to manage their emotions and actions. All people with BPD that I know, including myself, are very good at talking about issues and helping others with problems.
If you want to talk, you can count on them to give you all of their effort to help. Imagine dating someone with no emotions. It can make life a lot easier! Keep this in mind when they start feeling negatively. It will have challenges like all relationships, but remembering that you are with someone you love will always make it easier. Welcome to the first bpd blog for all people who have bpd. You can submit your own experiences, ask questions, submit your photo to meet more people with bpd, and reblog posts about bpd! Do not let the guilt eat you. If you take on everything their brain conjures, you will never survive.
You both have to fight this and stay strong together.
You two can avoid so much by simply being aware. Your SO can be aware of themselves and you can be aware of what they are going through.
Ask them lots of questions about how things make them feel, how you can avoid it, what you can do to make it better…. Take care of them if they do end up performing a reckless, harmful behavior.
There will be relapses. You can show them that there is more to them than their disorder and that loving them is a lifelong journey you are willing to commit to.